Thursday, November 16, 2006
This is where I live...
I am essentially a dreamer not an activist, but some thoughts don't fit well in a daydream sequence. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be older, now I wonder why? As a youngster the world seemed to be at my mother's beck and call. In my eyes she was a magician.She kept the bullies at bay, nursed my every fancy and appeared with a handful of solutions for all problems.Oh mother! Why did you let me grow up? Today all the pretty pictures you painted are distant. Daily I amf aced with questions and opinion polls. Some retard asks should women be given more seats of power, may be about 33% and good enough. You see earlier the only difference I saw between sexes were body parts. Now I conclude having male organs is the key to any seat of power. My father always said I was a little angel and some magical angels had left me on earth and we've all heard this many times. Unfortunately nobody told me life is not a fairytale. Today these many angels are raped, molested, accused and abused for trying to remain angles. Girls are married only to fbe ound murdered for dowry and don't forget female infanticide. Any intelligent man would surely see where the problem lies. You guessed right. To instantly curb mass murder of the female sex. I strongly recommend a happy and gay society. If a man wastes his life, he is referred to as a loafer.On the contrary even after every struggle she endures women are always promiscuous, or betterstill just never good enough. At the pace this judgment is passed in our country I only wish our law and order system should be apprentice to our characterj udges. They seem to pass orders in a jiffy. Of course there is more violence and bloodshed we can talk about but you know my mother still say "Get up, Stand up;Stand up for your right". Well, it’s a little difficult for me to grasp that staying alive righteously today is a continuous and ongoing war in all societies. And by the way if this is how it’s going to be then so it shall be. I only wonder if more men could and would see the problem...
Ponx
The first time I met her, was a typical hostel setup, of course devoid of nasty dark hostel horror tales. So as part of getting to know a newcomer, I asked her to sing. I had been spared such an agonizing moment as I had joined a lot younger when kids are only loved and comforted and not bullied. I wasn’t particularly a bully but have lived with that reputation. So to justify my presence I didn’t let her move till the song was not complete. I don’t recall but she sang and we smiled and clapped. Someone even remarked how she sang well, and a few of us nodded. All of this occurred in the presence of a bunch of smart and young boarders. Of course Priyanka never engaged in a solo performance again as it was never required. But I must mention she wasn’t a bad singer, I was.
This is only a small test of our characters. Both of us are what the other isn’t. So what is it that still keeps us together? A comfort level that doesn’t stop us from asking questions, speaking our hearts and enjoying each others company. The truth is I have never met someone like her.
We don’t like the same things. She can’t stand the cigarettes; my piercings totally put her off, she hates me not having a phone, she thinks I am too skinny and a few other aspects of my living. Well, I can live with this, because we can talk normally about everything else. Even rock, she learnt about music a couple of years ago. We can talk about food, shops, clothes, shoes, work, vacations, Goa, travel, weddings, dates and boyfriends. The word she loves using for me is ‘sidey’ cause I am happily engaging my time in activities and meetings that are of no consequence to her. Well as for me, now I understand that she is a software developer. Years have gone by since we’ve known each other. The last few years we’ve seen each other only barely. But the only realization I have had is that I’ll never forget her. In friends there are odd kinds and so we are perfect examples.
The best part I am yet to tell you. I have realized after meeting loads of people no one shares the same passion as her. Not only did we see eye to eye but we did what the other said, not because we were idiots, but because we thought same. We still do. In all honestly se was one of the first people who made me realize what nice people are. She made my bed; she washed my uniform sometimes and tidied my rack. I just played all the time. She asked if I had studied and she explained subjects to me. She even watched me participate in sports. She even played basketball only for a while, but honestly I think she could do everything.
To mark my respect for her I gifted her blue eye pencils and crazy junk jewelry, for which she had no taste, but she received them graciously. She sipped her first beer with me. She came for her first party with me and she always dressed cute.
What sets her apart, many things; her greatest attributes are her directness and her infectious smile. Well, smile is an under statement, she laughs real loud and she makes me laugh.
This is only a small test of our characters. Both of us are what the other isn’t. So what is it that still keeps us together? A comfort level that doesn’t stop us from asking questions, speaking our hearts and enjoying each others company. The truth is I have never met someone like her.
We don’t like the same things. She can’t stand the cigarettes; my piercings totally put her off, she hates me not having a phone, she thinks I am too skinny and a few other aspects of my living. Well, I can live with this, because we can talk normally about everything else. Even rock, she learnt about music a couple of years ago. We can talk about food, shops, clothes, shoes, work, vacations, Goa, travel, weddings, dates and boyfriends. The word she loves using for me is ‘sidey’ cause I am happily engaging my time in activities and meetings that are of no consequence to her. Well as for me, now I understand that she is a software developer. Years have gone by since we’ve known each other. The last few years we’ve seen each other only barely. But the only realization I have had is that I’ll never forget her. In friends there are odd kinds and so we are perfect examples.
The best part I am yet to tell you. I have realized after meeting loads of people no one shares the same passion as her. Not only did we see eye to eye but we did what the other said, not because we were idiots, but because we thought same. We still do. In all honestly se was one of the first people who made me realize what nice people are. She made my bed; she washed my uniform sometimes and tidied my rack. I just played all the time. She asked if I had studied and she explained subjects to me. She even watched me participate in sports. She even played basketball only for a while, but honestly I think she could do everything.
To mark my respect for her I gifted her blue eye pencils and crazy junk jewelry, for which she had no taste, but she received them graciously. She sipped her first beer with me. She came for her first party with me and she always dressed cute.
What sets her apart, many things; her greatest attributes are her directness and her infectious smile. Well, smile is an under statement, she laughs real loud and she makes me laugh.
Jai Hind
Well, similar to aspirations and dreams that you nestle, I to have mine. I wish to spend my life smiling and making you smile if that’s humanly possible. John Lennon sang “Imagine”.. I would like to live that life. That’s how I see it, so my friend unless someday I do rob a bank or win a lottery I am not going to be very rich, financially that is to speak. But despite that, I’ll help you smile.
Since, I don’t have realistic dreams and plans; at times I do wish to be involved in things that are of consequence in any little way. I do acknowledge most online forwards because a few of them make me smile. The other reason being, some of them have been mine to pen from scratch. I love writing them, of course now the content I write is a wee bit different, but I will always support happy forwards.
The latest agenda of any importance to me is to speak up for ‘Jai Hind’. It is an honest souls endeavor and I wish him luck. It doesn’t take much. But try feeling it. I believe all land and water is a gift to mankind, but if you don’t learn to cherish your land, you’ll never be able to identify with another land. That’s just how I see it, you may disagree. So what has this country given me. I am going to play counter strike now. For and against.
Pollution…A grave situation especially since our count is really high. Everybody says India is polluted. You and me too. There is a solution. Try car pool. Use one car in the family. Stop burdening yourself with loans. You know honestly if more of us used public transport, the government would have to do something about it. But of course we feel a lot more superior than being classified as superior. So I really wish we run out of fuel and instead of fifty something, fuel prices should soar to 500.
Cleanliness..Well a distant dream again…we thrive on takeaways and keep discarding packages on the way. We actually use plastic.hehehehehehe…..we crib about society charges and can identify with swiping plastic at expensive dinners..
Equal opportunity…we think the country isn’t educated but want the best only for our children… no one cares a damn whether the village rustics get any education at all…
We make issues of caste.. hehehehe.. so actually we’re not human.. we only identify with branding ourselves.. We also wouldn’t dress below our dignity..come all ye designers..i was born to be your patron…
We don’t go for picnics any longer but organize official buffets..one phone to another, from desktop to laptop, from one loan to another…brandequity, …..and we are even recognized as frequent fliers, obviously the job requires it..
We talk about corruption but you wouldn’t join politics.. and we would pay the rickshaw guy extra.. We would haggle when caught without a license, we take all liberties to use cell phones when driving, we love shopping at the mall…we have all reached is what we believe..
And I am not even going into discussions about men and women..
Obviously we can’t change everything. But something’s you could…
So honestly my country is beautiful, so I say Jai Hind.. Humankind is selfish. This isn’t my land to destroy. It is my reality to support, conserve and preserve..
Since, I don’t have realistic dreams and plans; at times I do wish to be involved in things that are of consequence in any little way. I do acknowledge most online forwards because a few of them make me smile. The other reason being, some of them have been mine to pen from scratch. I love writing them, of course now the content I write is a wee bit different, but I will always support happy forwards.
The latest agenda of any importance to me is to speak up for ‘Jai Hind’. It is an honest souls endeavor and I wish him luck. It doesn’t take much. But try feeling it. I believe all land and water is a gift to mankind, but if you don’t learn to cherish your land, you’ll never be able to identify with another land. That’s just how I see it, you may disagree. So what has this country given me. I am going to play counter strike now. For and against.
Pollution…A grave situation especially since our count is really high. Everybody says India is polluted. You and me too. There is a solution. Try car pool. Use one car in the family. Stop burdening yourself with loans. You know honestly if more of us used public transport, the government would have to do something about it. But of course we feel a lot more superior than being classified as superior. So I really wish we run out of fuel and instead of fifty something, fuel prices should soar to 500.
Cleanliness..Well a distant dream again…we thrive on takeaways and keep discarding packages on the way. We actually use plastic.hehehehehehe…..we crib about society charges and can identify with swiping plastic at expensive dinners..
Equal opportunity…we think the country isn’t educated but want the best only for our children… no one cares a damn whether the village rustics get any education at all…
We make issues of caste.. hehehehe.. so actually we’re not human.. we only identify with branding ourselves.. We also wouldn’t dress below our dignity..come all ye designers..i was born to be your patron…
We don’t go for picnics any longer but organize official buffets..one phone to another, from desktop to laptop, from one loan to another…brandequity, …..and we are even recognized as frequent fliers, obviously the job requires it..
We talk about corruption but you wouldn’t join politics.. and we would pay the rickshaw guy extra.. We would haggle when caught without a license, we take all liberties to use cell phones when driving, we love shopping at the mall…we have all reached is what we believe..
And I am not even going into discussions about men and women..
Obviously we can’t change everything. But something’s you could…
So honestly my country is beautiful, so I say Jai Hind.. Humankind is selfish. This isn’t my land to destroy. It is my reality to support, conserve and preserve..
Dear Voodoo Child...........
Since there is no other way of leaving a message for you, or knowing who you are, I shall leave a note for you here. Thank you.
Content living
I know a girl. Her name’s Kuku. I have known her since 99’ when I was in my first year college. She walked up to m the first time and asked for a light. When I lit the match she asked for a cigarette. It was a Wills navy cut, she looked at it and asked for something else. When I offered to get her brand, she asked for fresh lime soda. Did I get irritated? No. We smoked, we drank fresh lime and she spoke about being stoned. I smiled. Then I never saw her in college. I asked around, most people were clueless. I met her a year later when I had dropped out of college. I was taking a break from my education and she was already on a break. Well yes she remembered me. She asked where I got my eyebrow piercing and she had one the next day.
As a college student/dropout I have seen many broke days. It didn’t worry me any more. We were reliving baby boomer lifestyles and were high on flower power. Liberated souls, minimal clothing, warped makeup, loud hairstyles, unacceptable social behavior, red eyes, strong perfumes and attitudes that made others turn their faces. Well wishers advised us about repercussions of the negative publicity, friends stood by us and we all loved each other. At that time the country was awakening to brand names and dressing differently and experimenting with social stigmas, we were pros, quite literally born to live a dream, and we did justice to it. We also did make great friends and archrivals during that phase. One day Kuku asked me what floozie meant, I immediately looked at the dictionary and then shut it and asked how her day had been. She said it was all good and someone had told her she needed to get a life. He had also said I was pretty okay but she was certainly a floozie. ??i asked who but we never saw him again. Well soon she knew the meaning and she shared it with me, and we looked into each others faces, a wee bit serious for a few split seconds and then we laughed very loud. The truth was I had just about figured out what being with a male was and Kuku was quite simply as petite as me. So here we were just coming in terms with the feminine aspects of our lives and were already very known. Why? Because we never shied away from speaking about our lives. Nothing was under wraps. It was a big event for us.. so cheers.
Kuku soon had a Swedish boyfriend, I had quite a few. She had even more colorful dreams and soon she was married and gone. I was again in college and happily in love. She informed her parents after she left the country, and I called and told mum I am living in. Kuku visited every year or 18 months. And we would laugh into the wee hours of the morning. When she came back 2 years back, she refused to go back or call her guy. I know him; he’s a nice guy and a musician. Anyways, she didn’t go back. Well two years later she has a baby, yes a little wonderful boy. She loves him and her guy now. They can’t be married as yet and I am not sure they want to. I don’t like this guy much; I have met him 3 times already.
The truth in all this is that I have only met this girl about 50 times in life. No exchange of letters mails or calls. But some people you always like. She is one of them. The other reason why I have mentioned this is no matter what, you can survive if you wish too. I am very happy and no longer in love. But whatever the odds are against you, life is beautiful, live it.
As a college student/dropout I have seen many broke days. It didn’t worry me any more. We were reliving baby boomer lifestyles and were high on flower power. Liberated souls, minimal clothing, warped makeup, loud hairstyles, unacceptable social behavior, red eyes, strong perfumes and attitudes that made others turn their faces. Well wishers advised us about repercussions of the negative publicity, friends stood by us and we all loved each other. At that time the country was awakening to brand names and dressing differently and experimenting with social stigmas, we were pros, quite literally born to live a dream, and we did justice to it. We also did make great friends and archrivals during that phase. One day Kuku asked me what floozie meant, I immediately looked at the dictionary and then shut it and asked how her day had been. She said it was all good and someone had told her she needed to get a life. He had also said I was pretty okay but she was certainly a floozie. ??i asked who but we never saw him again. Well soon she knew the meaning and she shared it with me, and we looked into each others faces, a wee bit serious for a few split seconds and then we laughed very loud. The truth was I had just about figured out what being with a male was and Kuku was quite simply as petite as me. So here we were just coming in terms with the feminine aspects of our lives and were already very known. Why? Because we never shied away from speaking about our lives. Nothing was under wraps. It was a big event for us.. so cheers.
Kuku soon had a Swedish boyfriend, I had quite a few. She had even more colorful dreams and soon she was married and gone. I was again in college and happily in love. She informed her parents after she left the country, and I called and told mum I am living in. Kuku visited every year or 18 months. And we would laugh into the wee hours of the morning. When she came back 2 years back, she refused to go back or call her guy. I know him; he’s a nice guy and a musician. Anyways, she didn’t go back. Well two years later she has a baby, yes a little wonderful boy. She loves him and her guy now. They can’t be married as yet and I am not sure they want to. I don’t like this guy much; I have met him 3 times already.
The truth in all this is that I have only met this girl about 50 times in life. No exchange of letters mails or calls. But some people you always like. She is one of them. The other reason why I have mentioned this is no matter what, you can survive if you wish too. I am very happy and no longer in love. But whatever the odds are against you, life is beautiful, live it.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
exchanging notes...
The mail that was in my inbox…
So now, you have started lecturing about dreams and reality. The problem (no it is not a problem, it is just a level of understanding) with people like you is that your impressionable minds are so influenced by the writings of rumi and kafka that you do not even care to understand the real meaning or the purpose of those writings. If you think that I was/am so engrossed in reality then why do you think I sat down in inox while the national anthem was being played. Why do you think I stubbed a cigarette on my hand just to convince my friends that they can also do the same (one of them actually stubbed four times just to prove he was better)? However, that was a stage, and I no longer have the ability to derive pleasure from such acts. Moreover, why would I keep writing to you if I was so gripped with reality? You see, I have experimented with dreams and reality for years but I did not stop where people like rumi stopped, their outpourings were nothing but a reflection of their disillusionment with life. No doubt, they were quite good at it, but as there was already a rumi and a Kafka, I do not think people now need a copycat. You know your blogs sound like typical bollywoodian remixes, which do sound great, but start to bore after some time. Look, I am not here to criticize, all I want to tell you that it is very easy to sit in a three BHK flat, with a laptop and supportive friends and romanticize about life, reality and dreams. People like rumi and Kafka produced literary marvels because they actually experienced what they wrote, not like people like you who are not even able to handle a breakup properly and are aspiring to become mental drug suppliers. You know I have read a few of the modern writers (vikram seth) but they all sound so distasteful cause I think they are actually unable to live their writings. I may not have anything as of now, not even dreams or even reality, but I am not going to squander my life in trying to become a rumi copycat, may be I will try to become something that I have in mind, something that I always aspired to be, may be something that will prompt people to love me. You see my English is bad and it is very difficult for me to express myself even in Hindi. The fact that you have vague ideas about me is not your fault; it was because I was never able to express myself properly. I do not generally like defending but your accusations start pinching my heart and I have no option but to blurt it out. Look the fact is that we all do what we think is right, whether it is a beggar on the street or an industrialist. Think about it, and this is why you need not feel immensely proud about doing your own things, being a rebel, cause everybody else is doing the same. Try something else, try adopting a child may be, then you can say that you are actually doing something different, though the world will still not accept you as a mental drug supplier. THE BOTTOMLINE: - the fact that you have so many suitors is not because your writings are extraordinary or you are super intelligent, it is just because people think you are easy. However, since all we really need is love and acceptance, I think I you will live a much happier and satisfied life, as for me I think I will die looking for love, which is quite difficult to come by in this unrealistic dream world infested with copycats and gypsies.
Respected sir,
I would like to thank you for your prompt reply.It is a pleasure to read your thoughtful essays about my life.Sorry about the lecture , but its an inborn habit. I had at some point in life I considered being an orator and as such old habits die hard.you would be happy to know that at this moment i am smoking a cigarette{navy cut} and smiling to myself..in context to my impressionable mind and understanding capacity, Sir i believe it speaks volumes, or else i would not speak to you o be impressed by your theories.as far as reading sir..i am in love with molana rumi and khalil gibran as they always make me smile.. but theres a deeper meaning. I do wish to learn Persian so i am able to understand their real writing and check the English translations .. that is all i am interested in understanding...this by the time i am 50..kafka.....sir i am not accusing you of your obsession with reality.. i am certain you have dreams. sitting at inox is a great achievement in itself as i don't believe you to watch too many films..so whether u sit, stand upside down or on one long, hop skip or jump, the importance lies i the fact that you even bothered to go..as far a stubbing cigarettes is concerned.. that may be of grave importance to you.. and your super enthusiastic friend.. the closest i shall get to such a experience is to meditate and walk over burning charcoal.. its an achievable dreamlike concept..magical... from you expression i assume you feel like the grand old man of India.. kudos...
sir, you are unnecessarily pressurising yourself..please do not look for links.... as their writings inspire me and aspire me ..but i would be a fool to even assume that i may be able to emulate their writing styles..i would rather write about Iraqi web cams,also sir all he best with your experiments of dreams n reality..for me it comes naturally.. hehehehehe...
as far as experience sir, my little life has been immensely eventful..i am not narrating my life though.. i choose to write my experiences, i would be penning the autobiography of an unknown self proclaimed gypsy.. not the best idea.. it wouldn't help me survive..though i plan to write a lot, but my expression are still not on the cards..sir as far as the blogs.. i am very grateful to Bollywood for sharing their copyrights. at least i am living their dreams so u cant accuse m of inexperienced writing..Sir i am not proud of being a rebel but am happy that i live my life...
Yes i do come across as super easy.. and i even agree to it to an extent...that is because i don't see why i should be standoffish with anyone.Sir my suitors.. well yes I know they exist but they don't fit in my dream.. so they don't count...they are however nice people in their own rights and i shall not stop my association with any of them...also i do love all of them..
Sir as far as infesting your unrealistic dreamworld, i have left a footnote at the end of the homepage confessing that I shall confuse and confuse you.And also in this tug between real and dream, I always sign my mails as nobo_nita, and your mails reach me as buff.
and the blog profile lets you know my name, and you leave comments as anonymous.
Thankyou..
cheers nabanita.
Please see.. I am deleting your email id but am putting your query and m reply as todays blog entry..Thankyou..
"Love you and dream on........"
Footnote..The person in question is known to me and I have done my best to keep his identity…the mails are unedited…
So now, you have started lecturing about dreams and reality. The problem (no it is not a problem, it is just a level of understanding) with people like you is that your impressionable minds are so influenced by the writings of rumi and kafka that you do not even care to understand the real meaning or the purpose of those writings. If you think that I was/am so engrossed in reality then why do you think I sat down in inox while the national anthem was being played. Why do you think I stubbed a cigarette on my hand just to convince my friends that they can also do the same (one of them actually stubbed four times just to prove he was better)? However, that was a stage, and I no longer have the ability to derive pleasure from such acts. Moreover, why would I keep writing to you if I was so gripped with reality? You see, I have experimented with dreams and reality for years but I did not stop where people like rumi stopped, their outpourings were nothing but a reflection of their disillusionment with life. No doubt, they were quite good at it, but as there was already a rumi and a Kafka, I do not think people now need a copycat. You know your blogs sound like typical bollywoodian remixes, which do sound great, but start to bore after some time. Look, I am not here to criticize, all I want to tell you that it is very easy to sit in a three BHK flat, with a laptop and supportive friends and romanticize about life, reality and dreams. People like rumi and Kafka produced literary marvels because they actually experienced what they wrote, not like people like you who are not even able to handle a breakup properly and are aspiring to become mental drug suppliers. You know I have read a few of the modern writers (vikram seth) but they all sound so distasteful cause I think they are actually unable to live their writings. I may not have anything as of now, not even dreams or even reality, but I am not going to squander my life in trying to become a rumi copycat, may be I will try to become something that I have in mind, something that I always aspired to be, may be something that will prompt people to love me. You see my English is bad and it is very difficult for me to express myself even in Hindi. The fact that you have vague ideas about me is not your fault; it was because I was never able to express myself properly. I do not generally like defending but your accusations start pinching my heart and I have no option but to blurt it out. Look the fact is that we all do what we think is right, whether it is a beggar on the street or an industrialist. Think about it, and this is why you need not feel immensely proud about doing your own things, being a rebel, cause everybody else is doing the same. Try something else, try adopting a child may be, then you can say that you are actually doing something different, though the world will still not accept you as a mental drug supplier. THE BOTTOMLINE: - the fact that you have so many suitors is not because your writings are extraordinary or you are super intelligent, it is just because people think you are easy. However, since all we really need is love and acceptance, I think I you will live a much happier and satisfied life, as for me I think I will die looking for love, which is quite difficult to come by in this unrealistic dream world infested with copycats and gypsies.
Respected sir,
I would like to thank you for your prompt reply.It is a pleasure to read your thoughtful essays about my life.Sorry about the lecture , but its an inborn habit. I had at some point in life I considered being an orator and as such old habits die hard.you would be happy to know that at this moment i am smoking a cigarette{navy cut} and smiling to myself..in context to my impressionable mind and understanding capacity, Sir i believe it speaks volumes, or else i would not speak to you o be impressed by your theories.as far as reading sir..i am in love with molana rumi and khalil gibran as they always make me smile.. but theres a deeper meaning. I do wish to learn Persian so i am able to understand their real writing and check the English translations .. that is all i am interested in understanding...this by the time i am 50..kafka.....sir i am not accusing you of your obsession with reality.. i am certain you have dreams. sitting at inox is a great achievement in itself as i don't believe you to watch too many films..so whether u sit, stand upside down or on one long, hop skip or jump, the importance lies i the fact that you even bothered to go..as far a stubbing cigarettes is concerned.. that may be of grave importance to you.. and your super enthusiastic friend.. the closest i shall get to such a experience is to meditate and walk over burning charcoal.. its an achievable dreamlike concept..magical... from you expression i assume you feel like the grand old man of India.. kudos...
sir, you are unnecessarily pressurising yourself..please do not look for links.... as their writings inspire me and aspire me ..but i would be a fool to even assume that i may be able to emulate their writing styles..i would rather write about Iraqi web cams,also sir all he best with your experiments of dreams n reality..for me it comes naturally.. hehehehehe...
as far as experience sir, my little life has been immensely eventful..i am not narrating my life though.. i choose to write my experiences, i would be penning the autobiography of an unknown self proclaimed gypsy.. not the best idea.. it wouldn't help me survive..though i plan to write a lot, but my expression are still not on the cards..sir as far as the blogs.. i am very grateful to Bollywood for sharing their copyrights. at least i am living their dreams so u cant accuse m of inexperienced writing..Sir i am not proud of being a rebel but am happy that i live my life...
Yes i do come across as super easy.. and i even agree to it to an extent...that is because i don't see why i should be standoffish with anyone.Sir my suitors.. well yes I know they exist but they don't fit in my dream.. so they don't count...they are however nice people in their own rights and i shall not stop my association with any of them...also i do love all of them..
Sir as far as infesting your unrealistic dreamworld, i have left a footnote at the end of the homepage confessing that I shall confuse and confuse you.And also in this tug between real and dream, I always sign my mails as nobo_nita, and your mails reach me as buff.
and the blog profile lets you know my name, and you leave comments as anonymous.
Thankyou..
cheers nabanita.
Please see.. I am deleting your email id but am putting your query and m reply as todays blog entry..Thankyou..
"Love you and dream on........"
Footnote..The person in question is known to me and I have done my best to keep his identity…the mails are unedited…
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Drug supplier
I am not a saint, I don't intend to be. So in being myself there's things I say or do that aren't very conventional, at times they are unacceptable. One of these, is my open and wholehearted support to smoking marijuana or hashish as compared to drinking alcohol. and even if I am not invited as the speaker I do barge into such conversations and freely voice my opinions. So much so, that many a sober friend and acquaintance has often spent the rest of the meeting with a fake smile. They love me and accept my existence but are sober and nice people who either don't see the difference, don't indulge in either or prefer alcohol, and may at times consider both harmful , but for some odd reason the utterance of cannabis implies drugs, and the law and the holy books prohibit such indulgence.
So I accept that I am to an extent a criminal and may be required to engage in moral coaching or psychological therapy to treat my diseased existence. Now the only truth I see in my support is reasoning. Again since I am not a saint, I have been drunk and stoned. Do I swear by either, no. Why detest alcohol. Well, for one thing I like wine. All other liquor, makes me socially accepted for a while,if the party's longer, I get louder, then crazy, then embarrassing, I dance and sing and even talk to most people, including individuals seated twenty meters away. Then of course , have sober friends trying to cover for me and smuggle me out. But I insist the party's only just started and propose to dance on the bar, then by myself and then even start drinking multiple alcohol types and singing in praise of alcoholic. Well quite apparently I am drunk. I always say am blessed as have friends of both sexes that I trust and in time of my downfall, that includes vomiting and total passing out, they apologise to those around, pay for cleaning charges, carry me home, get clean water to wash my face, put my dirty face on their laps and pushed my hair away from my face saying I would be just fine and we're soon reaching home, put a bucket beside my head, changed my soiled clothes and washed me an tucked me in bed. Now this is the best case scenario, cause my friends are with me. On another occasion I could be totally on my own or with equally crazy acquaintances or confused souls or those that are as drunk as me. Result. hmmmmm. So now You not only have to deal with being drunk and embarrassing tales but also having found yourself in anothers apartment or yours, with someone you may have never been in bed with had you been sober. this doesn't imply that you have had sex, because both could be too drunk, but nevertheless it's awkward. Of course sex is the other possibility. This said and done, you having reached home in itself is nothing sort of testing your karma to capacity. how drunk people drive home I have no clue. Th other obvious behaviour is to act like a superhero and argue and fight with absolutely brilliant and sober individuals who are probably around just to hear good music. And the cheery on the desert is obviously to watch two drunks, converse, then fight, repeat the same conversation ten times over, fight and make up, slur and still make out what the others saying.
As for being stoned, it may make you vulnerable, but at-least you don't go through the above experiences. You are of course at the risk of imagining prettier clouds and better worlds. The best part is that, it never makes you pick a fight with a fellow smoker. Its more about true companionship and often you smoke in groups you are introduced into by friends, Things don't really go wrong, unless you are unknowingly smoking shoe polish instead of hashish.
So getting back to where I started, this support led me to being called a drug supplier apparently because I am misleading those around me, especially those who may be inspired to live a greener life. So I have come to believe hat drug suppliers are of two kinds, those that can supply narcotics in exchange of a fee and those that can fuel your imagination if you spare some time. Of course the latter is fewer in number and as of now I may be the only existing mental drug supplier. So in keeping with the true nature of my title, I shall supply the greener lands all my support
So I accept that I am to an extent a criminal and may be required to engage in moral coaching or psychological therapy to treat my diseased existence. Now the only truth I see in my support is reasoning. Again since I am not a saint, I have been drunk and stoned. Do I swear by either, no. Why detest alcohol. Well, for one thing I like wine. All other liquor, makes me socially accepted for a while,if the party's longer, I get louder, then crazy, then embarrassing, I dance and sing and even talk to most people, including individuals seated twenty meters away. Then of course , have sober friends trying to cover for me and smuggle me out. But I insist the party's only just started and propose to dance on the bar, then by myself and then even start drinking multiple alcohol types and singing in praise of alcoholic. Well quite apparently I am drunk. I always say am blessed as have friends of both sexes that I trust and in time of my downfall, that includes vomiting and total passing out, they apologise to those around, pay for cleaning charges, carry me home, get clean water to wash my face, put my dirty face on their laps and pushed my hair away from my face saying I would be just fine and we're soon reaching home, put a bucket beside my head, changed my soiled clothes and washed me an tucked me in bed. Now this is the best case scenario, cause my friends are with me. On another occasion I could be totally on my own or with equally crazy acquaintances or confused souls or those that are as drunk as me. Result. hmmmmm. So now You not only have to deal with being drunk and embarrassing tales but also having found yourself in anothers apartment or yours, with someone you may have never been in bed with had you been sober. this doesn't imply that you have had sex, because both could be too drunk, but nevertheless it's awkward. Of course sex is the other possibility. This said and done, you having reached home in itself is nothing sort of testing your karma to capacity. how drunk people drive home I have no clue. Th other obvious behaviour is to act like a superhero and argue and fight with absolutely brilliant and sober individuals who are probably around just to hear good music. And the cheery on the desert is obviously to watch two drunks, converse, then fight, repeat the same conversation ten times over, fight and make up, slur and still make out what the others saying.
As for being stoned, it may make you vulnerable, but at-least you don't go through the above experiences. You are of course at the risk of imagining prettier clouds and better worlds. The best part is that, it never makes you pick a fight with a fellow smoker. Its more about true companionship and often you smoke in groups you are introduced into by friends, Things don't really go wrong, unless you are unknowingly smoking shoe polish instead of hashish.
So getting back to where I started, this support led me to being called a drug supplier apparently because I am misleading those around me, especially those who may be inspired to live a greener life. So I have come to believe hat drug suppliers are of two kinds, those that can supply narcotics in exchange of a fee and those that can fuel your imagination if you spare some time. Of course the latter is fewer in number and as of now I may be the only existing mental drug supplier. So in keeping with the true nature of my title, I shall supply the greener lands all my support
Here's what the wind spoke......
It isn't always sensible to ask people around you for suggestions, not because they don't answer but because they judge too much. The routine guidelines before offering advice is to always analyse the already distraught and confused individual.The most wise would say, "If I was in your place.....". Others would happily say you could do this or that or those and maybe this , that or those. some would simply say, I don't know. Somewhere in between these solutions lies the smart input, "I told you this would happen" and "This had to happen". Well there's obviously million other things that could be suggested.
Now, what do you do. In all honesty, you know these suggestions are more or less confessions. though we don't know it but most of the things we say to others are what we are ourselves. Hence maybe a majority of these suggestions don't work for us as people are too similar and too different. If you need to ask, talk to the clouds, they always move away. Ask the butterflies who pass you, whisper to the wind that whistles and rustles. The answer will perplex you for a moment and the next minute you identify with it. It's only about noticing the motion around you. It always says, time's going by, live this moment. So don't wait for the right time, don't wait to make a choice, the answers are all there, sometimes from friends and sometimes from the wind, understand them.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Between you and me....
To speak the truth or not. Given a choice what would I do. I don't know. Can I accept everything that I do and justify my actions? Maybe, maybe not, this is my life. Are men and women always attracted to each other? And if amongst the many men that you meet, a certain someone leaves you murmuring like a little girl with no care in the world, would you let him know. The night is always young and though things between men and women don't always happen at night, why does the night make you so ready. It prepares you. Have you ever been able to talk to someone as if he wasn’t sitting there and you were merely speaking your thoughts and life aloud? Have you met a man who doesn’t ask you questions and it doesn’t matter to him who you are. Someone who can sit with you and be a gentleman without asking leaves you with very less apprehensions. I won’t say that there aren’t people who pretend and fake heir existence, but there are those who tell the truth and share their story. Can all relationships be given a name? Yes. Only difference is that may not be accepted or understood. But things really aren’t so complicated. If you accept and understand a sentiment, don’t let it go. It’s not something you can keep as yours but it’s yours to cherish. And he can’t stand with you, but he’ll stand by you. He may not walk the streets wit you, but he’ll help you get to the other side. It’s easy to hold back because you respect each other. It’s as easy to express feelings because you feel for each other. It’s alright to sense the difficulties and smile the shy smile. And when the night is over do you see the morning in his face, on his back. And have you ever laid on your back and watched the white ceiling paint colorful realities. If there is physical attraction, consciousness, awareness, caution and the mind agrees as well. It may still not work. For that balance and total guiltless submission even the air around you holds its breath. And silence and words gives way to a new understanding, a meaning that involves the physical and mental and allows the spiritual to come into being. Such is the form of unspoken sentiments.
writers block
This isn't so much about me, but a little you need to know. I haven't traveled the world, but I see it go by. If I dream, I see it till the end I wish to be a writer and tell you about what I see. I wish to climb the mountains and watch them touch the clouds. Every valley that I cross dances at my beck and call. The stars watch over me and on a dark stormy night I cling to the sheets. When I am alone I wait for the doorbell to ring. When I want to be alone I disappear. I wish to cross a million barriers. I am a rebel and don't care a damn about what you say. Walk with me and I'll teach you to dream. Ask questions you have an answer for. Speak to me and I'll make you smile. Talk to me and I’ll hold your hand from dawn to dusk. In silence we shall rejoice and in company we shall party. Believe me and you'll know the truth if goodness was a yardstick I am a saint. If truth is a virtue I am virtuous. If diplomacy is the need of the hour I am a diplomat. And if the karma chameleon was around he would stop over or tea. I am content and yes I am happy with life. In living I see a truth. In death I see the same truth. If the conscience was to be judge, then I am just and honest. If you choose to cry or laugh with me I will be there. If I am a long distance from you, write me a letter. And when the winds carry it to me, I will read it by the brook. And in my thoughts, friend you will be a hero. I may not support you always but you are dear to me. If I ridicule you, forgive me for I know not another way. If this is a journey, stop when you are tired. When you’re lonely, walk across the path. Every leaf that you feel will say next spring; we'll be your shield again. For everybody who deserts you there is a reason somewhere. For every thing that goes wrong in life I am to blame I some capacity. For every reality I accept, I forgive myself for the wrong I have done. In forgiveness I find strength to face you. In every mistake I see two ways of doing something. In every wrong I see a right. For every smile I have cried. For every tear I have thought. In every book, wisdom talks to me. In every sentiment I shall spend my life. Every flight is my first and this moment is real. For every second that passes I look forward to a new. If I asked for forgiveness I would mean it. If you said sorry I would smile. For every flower that you pick my heart cries. For every bouquet at the doorstep I smile. In promises I see a truth. In breaking them I see an untoward situation. In betrayal I do not see dishonor but a weakness that can be overcome if supported. In pictures I see my life. And for every bird that flies and every baby that cries I see a new beginning. For every sad story I sigh. For every cause that I don’t support I wonder and in time the guilt fades away. If there was a lunatic it is I. for every wish I make there is someone in mind. For every wrong I do I am to blame. If perfection was mine I wouldn't be me. My flaws are real too.
In every “I” of my passage you will see yourself somewhere. Live this dream and dream on. Content and grief are real and the dreams are yours to live for. If I continue to be a writer I shall amuse you, confuse and convince you for life.
In every “I” of my passage you will see yourself somewhere. Live this dream and dream on. Content and grief are real and the dreams are yours to live for. If I continue to be a writer I shall amuse you, confuse and convince you for life.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
if
If
Would it be fair to say, I love you, because the other person says so? And what if you did, just due to the sheer excitement of being loved. And of course eventually fall in love. Is that how it was supposed to be. Or are you supposed to tell from the way a stranger looks at you that the other is whom you want to love. Is it really that complicated. If I sit back, and think, I see countless faces. Have I at some point even, for a second loved each of them? And would I have been better with another. The only thing I understand is that two people should be happy. A first look always tells a story. Next time, understand that look. If you have at any point walked away from love would you really ever feel the same again? If you want to say something to someone, say it before you cant say it ever. Cause there will come a time in life, when you will be sitting and thinking, 'If.. ..........................'
Don’t let your life be a spate if ifs, buts, how’s, why’s etc. there are too many things we try to answer that don’t require any reasoning at all. And in this act of yours, you may miss the real meaning.
Will you love for a reason?
Will you reason in love? U may choose either or only be in love. The choice is always yours. U have a mind that u can't control. Makes u feel exasperated. So I say don’t think at all. I asked so many things. But u can’t give. So I say never ask a question for which you don’t have an answer. Do something, and you’ll find an answer.
Would it be fair to say, I love you, because the other person says so? And what if you did, just due to the sheer excitement of being loved. And of course eventually fall in love. Is that how it was supposed to be. Or are you supposed to tell from the way a stranger looks at you that the other is whom you want to love. Is it really that complicated. If I sit back, and think, I see countless faces. Have I at some point even, for a second loved each of them? And would I have been better with another. The only thing I understand is that two people should be happy. A first look always tells a story. Next time, understand that look. If you have at any point walked away from love would you really ever feel the same again? If you want to say something to someone, say it before you cant say it ever. Cause there will come a time in life, when you will be sitting and thinking, 'If.. ..........................'
Don’t let your life be a spate if ifs, buts, how’s, why’s etc. there are too many things we try to answer that don’t require any reasoning at all. And in this act of yours, you may miss the real meaning.
Will you love for a reason?
Will you reason in love? U may choose either or only be in love. The choice is always yours. U have a mind that u can't control. Makes u feel exasperated. So I say don’t think at all. I asked so many things. But u can’t give. So I say never ask a question for which you don’t have an answer. Do something, and you’ll find an answer.
Friday, September 08, 2006
at the end, how good is good?
How often have you sat back and let a passing thought get the better of you. it can engulf you in totality. The feeling is joyful. It lets you live a million dreams and lets you be a 1000 people in that split moment. And when you look up, there you are back in your natural habitat. That is the power of thought. We all have it, just need little polishing and you could be thinking of anything. Fuel your imaginations cause it gives you the power to dream on and to live a million happy moments in life. Have you ever seen a wild horse being tamed, they do it with a lot of racehorses. You know the truth is they can modify you and educate and train you as much as they want, but at the end you’ll do what you do best. For them they race, you think we actually do anything to make that happen. No. They do it because they wouldn’t be horses otherwise. It’s the same with you and me. Trust me it has to happen to you sooner or later, but you will know from within this is what you want. We all know what we want, trust me we know. Then why do we hold back.. Simply because we don’t believe we can do something, scared of rejection.. Very true.. Ego is inborn and failure can ruin you. But is that all there is to that. Have you never been told to learn from your mistakes? And honestly if you don’t take that decision, you’ll never know what could have happened and all your life you’ll say” if I had only…” Don’t do this to yourself. Expression is your birthright. Tell the world what you want; at least you’ll know you tried. If you fail, it was meant to be, that’s your destiny. No matter what you try, you’re still only doing what was already to be. So it’s not so much about what you do, but how you do it. Friends I’ll be happy to believe that there is an afterlife where we shall meet again, but who knows. As of now I believe one thing, I have one life and I love you.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
lets c how far it goes
Well I usually always start the day with gud morning. Even if it isn’t quite so. Reason. I don’t have any for anything I say or do.. It’s the year 2006 and I remember clearly what happened 10 years ago. I was in the ninth grade. Not a top secret.. But I love today as much as I have loved everyday. I am fond of writing.. I hope to make it my career. Maybe for the next 10 days or years or eternity. I wouldn’t know. It’s not even a decision cause things just happen, the way they are meant to.. And not because I want it to. But. It’s also a fool’s world. And we believe that everything happens cause we made a decision. Eventually it may not be so much about the decision but more about the moment. When and why do we do something? If I can ever answer that I’ll tell you my friend. I am not religious, it isn’t a decision I made, I just never thought of it. I do hope to learn about Buddhism. I wonder if Heaven exists.. in my head, there’s 2 pictures.. It either looks like Leh or Pamukkale. Don’t ask where I got that one, probably a forward. It isn’t really all that difficult, just a little bit. Have you ever wondered what you want? And really thought about it, as in, I think you always get what you want. So be a little diplomatic when you want something cause often when you have it all, you either don’t know what to do with it or you just don’t value it anymore. That’s also related with human behavior, isn’t that what we do for everything?
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